Self-confidence isn’t something you’re born with and the best ways to nurture it may surprise you!

1 Being kind to yourself
Simply being kind to yourself is a more effective way of building self-confidence than trying to build your self-esteem, according to research by professor of psychology Dr Kristin Neff. A 2012 study found that those who treated themselves with kindness when their confidence took a bashing were not only more likely to see the possibilities for change, they also felt motivated to take steps to making those changes. Self-compassion both encourages us and provides us with a way of supporting ourselves. It doesn’t depend on being successful, in the way that self-esteem might, or on being overly optimistic.

2 Making mistakes
Seeing mistakes and failure as an opportunity to learn and grow as a person – what psychologist Dr Carol Dweck called a ‘growth mindset’ – can build deep confidence in your ability to cope and be flexible when faced with change.

3 Faking it
Psychologist Amy Cuddy from Harvard’s research into ‘power poses’ has shown that if you act like you’re confident, your mindset will soon match it – the theory is the brain hates ‘cognitive dissonance’ so will match mood to fit body language. Standing up tall, and stretching out your arms for a few seconds can give you an instant confidence boost. When you’re walking around, check in with your posture. Hold your head up high, and don’t look at the ground, relax, your shoulders, and keep your chest open.

4 Being stressed
According to psychologist Dr Kelly McGonigal, author of the Upside of Stress, we have evolved to thrive on a certain amount of stress, and embracing challenging situations helps you grow as a person, including increasing your confidence. So rather than striving for a stress-free life, we should regularly step out of our comfort zone.

5 Staying in touch with your values
Knowing your core values is at the heart of the so-called ‘third wave’ of therapies like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It becomes a guidance system that informs your decision and direction in life and gives you a reason to keep going in the face of adversity. Knowing your values is the first step to living an ‘authentic’ life and we’re naturally most confident when we’re trully being ourselves.

READ MORE – Is depression sabotaging your confidence?