Nearly half of us now say we seek a ‘wow’ factor as part of an entertainment experience, according to a recent survey, with six out of 10 saying they increasingly seek experiences that stimulate their senses. After more than a decade of social media, we’re starting to see our lives as a series of share-worthy events. Sites like Facebook and Instagram compartmentalise our lives into edited highlights, and very few people post about something mundane or boring. And while your logical mind is well aware that you’re not getting the full picture, and no-one’s life is perfect, there can be a drip-by-drip effect so we subconsciously look for the ‘wow factor’ in a weekend away, a night out with friends or even how we decorate our home.

Thanks to the explosion of the happiness industry, we’re now clued-up about how important it is to be happy – we’ve got the research to prove that happy people lead healthier and more productive lives than unhappy ones. Trouble is, what we seem to have lost sight of along the way is that it’s not only ‘wow’ experiences that make us happy. You may feel miserable shaking a charity tin outside a supermarket, doing a 10km race in the pouring rain, or ploughing through an important work project, but chances are the end result will boost your levels of contentment for some time afterwards because the experience gives you a sense of purpose and achievement.

You can’t rely on peak experiences to make you happy because of what’s known as the ‘hedonic treadmill’, the ability of the human brain to adapt to any new event, good or bad. Studies have shown that even Lottery winners return to their previous levels of happiness within six months. Rather than hankering after the next ‘wow’ experience, we should focus on becoming generally more content. There are two types of happiness and we’ve become fixated on the wrong one. Hedonic happiness is the high, the peak of positive emotions. What we should be aiming for is eudaemonic happiness, which is about contentment – it’s about flourishing because your life has meaning and purpose. So it’s less about bliss, joy or ecstasy, and more about deep satisfaction.

Ups and downs are unavoidable in life, but on a daily basis, we feel more content when we’re somewhere in the middle. On a scale of one to 10, there will be days when we feel as low as a two or three, and days when we’re at eight or nine. But for most people, five or six feels OK – there’s nothing particularly exciting going on, but there is also nothing bad happening. It can give you a feeling of stability that you will crave when bad times hit.

It’s also neither possible nor helpful to eliminate negative emotions altogether. Negative emotions have a function and provide the contrast, so you can trully appreciate the positive when it happens. A ratio of 11:1 positive to negative emotions is a good balance. And don’t forget about silver linings. Difficult as they can be to experience, you usually learn something from bad times which can help you become more resilient in the future.

Rather than aiming high, we’ll feel happier if we lower our standards instead, according to a study from University College London. Researchers found that what makes you happier isn’t how well things go or how amazing an event is, it’s whether it goes better than you expected. So invite your friends round for a relaxed, kitchen supper, and chances are they’ll have a better time than if you invite them to come for a more formal dinner, simply because their expectations will be lower (and hopefully you will exceed them).

It’s also easy to forget that we’re still adjusting to the huge range of opportunities brought to our doorstep by the digital revolution. We’re the first generation who can browse through hundreds of choices of hotels, shoes or new sofas at the click of a mouse. But with that choice comes pressure – according to a study from Florida State University, more and more of us are becoming ‘maximisers’, people who obsess over every option in an effort to make the perfect decision. But the researchers also found that the happiest people were far more likely to be ‘satisficers’, those who are happy to settle for good enough.

There’s no doubt we need ‘wow’ experiences in our lifetime, whether it’s scuba diving in the Maldives, centre court seats at Wimbledon or a live performance by your favourite band – just don’t rely on them for your long-term happiness. Lots of small, low key moments of pleasure in your life will make you more content than a handful of ‘wow’ moments because they have an accumulative effect which builds your wellbeing. A comfy chair with a good book, a funny text from a friend or ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds – the secret of happiness lies in appreciating the small stuff.

3 ways to feel more content

1 Learn to savour
Savouring is the ability to tune into and appreciate the simple pleasures in life –fresh bedlinen, a hug from a child, your favourite song on the radio – and the more often we do it, the better we get at it.

2 Think ‘do good’, not ‘feel good’
Happiness used to mean living a rich, fulfilling life – it was about doing good, but now it’s all about feeling good. Studies show that if you switch your focus to living a meaningful life, your feelings of contentment will go up. Divide a piece of paper into three columns, one for a list of your core values, one for things you’re already doing that reflect those values, and in the third, write down some simple changes you could make to bring your life more in line with your values.

3 Count your blessings
People who perceive a large gap between what they have and what they want (whether it’s money, a job, friends, health) are unhappier than those who perceive the gap is smaller. And the best way to close that gap is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Before you go to sleep, ask yourself what went well today? Then ask, what part did I play in making the good things happen?