Loneliness doesn’t just feel bad, it can also take its toll on your health and wellbeing. Loneliness depletes our motivation to look after ourselves, so lonely people tend to drink more alcohol, eat a less healthy diet and be more sedentary less than those who feel socially connected. Research has shown that lonely people are also more affected by stress, and more likely to suffer from insomnia, and have high blood pressure. One study even found that feeling loneliness is as harmful for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and twice as harmful as being obese. It’s thought that feelings of loneliness trigger the release of stress hormones in the body which cause inflammation and damage to the body’s cells.

Yet according to a Mental Health Foundation’s survey, only one in 10 people seek help for loneliness. When you’re dealing with ongoing loneliness, it can affect how you view the world – you can start to see rejection and hostility where there isn’t any. CBT can help you challenge those unhelpful thinking patterns. Mindfulness can also be useful, as it helps you both deal with stressful feelings and take get a different perspective on life. (Try Be Mindful Online from the Mental Health Foundation, mentalhealth.org.uk).

In some ways, it’s easier to meet new people than ever before – just type your post-code into a site like Meetup.com, and you’ll have a choice of events and groups from kayaking to crafting, in local area. But what matters is finding people who feel a connection with. Volunteering for a charity or local community group – like joining a community gardening group, becoming a prison visitor, or just volunteering to marshall at your local Park run – is one of the most effective ways to combat loneliness. It can give you a sense of shared purpose, and it can boost your self-esteem, which can help you tackle other social situations.

And we all know that it’s quality rather than quantity that counts when it comes to relationships – you can feel lonely with 250 Facebook friends if you don’t feel like you really connect with anyone of them. Loneliness can creep into even a busy social life if you feel that your friendships are inauthentic or superficial, or you never feel completely accepted by your group. Friendships need time invested in them. The deepest friendships develop when you have regular, one-to-one contact, so we are in touch with what is happening in each others’ lives. That means making the time to meet up regularly, or have a shared interest.

You can also get more from your friendships by giving more. It may seem counter-intuitive, but getting your needs met can come from meeting the needs of other people. Tuning your radar into ways to help people and show kindness towards them – whether it’s to strangers or people you know – has a rebound effect on you. You get an immediate hit of oxytocin, the so-called bonding hormone- so you have a feeling of connection. It also gives you a sense of purpose, which boosts self-esteem and can help give you the confidence you need in other social situations.

Being honest about your loneliness may also help, and you may be surprised how many other people feel the same. Because few people talk about loneliness, when we do feel like we’re the only one who feels this way and that makes it even worse. Realising there are others out there who feel the same can make it easier.

Here are 6 ways to beat loneliness:

1 ‘Lean in’ – don’t wait by the sidelines expect to be invited in. Take a deep breath and volunteer to run the cake stall at the school fair, or just pass round the nibbles at the office Christmas party.
2 Join a meet-up – take your online friendships offline.
3 Be honest – if you come across as having the time of your life on Facebook, no-one will know you’re struggling. Try an honest post if you’re home alone on Saturday night and convinced everyone else is at a fab party somewhere. Chances are you’ll find out loads of people are also doing nothing.
4 Try a week of no TV. TV can give you the illusion of company, but it also can increase your loneliness. Switching it off can force you seek out company.
5 Stop cancelling your nights out. It’s time we stopped looking at socialising as a luxury to be fitted in if have. Regular social contact gives you the resilience to cope with a busy job.
6 Give up on perfect – even good friends will be irritating and boring at times. But people will want to spend with you if they feel you accept them, warts and all.

Read more – Why do I feel lonely